I seriously missing u like crazy.. ak da terlewat ke?
terlewat mencapai kebahagiaan yg sebelum ni ada btol3 dpan mata,,
terlewat confess pd kesayangan yg ada depan mata ni
terlewat sedar yg dia tak akan sentiasa ada dgn aku
terlewat sedar bahawa dia tu yg pling memahami dan tak kan ada yg akan lebih memahami ak selain dr dia..
terlewat menyedari ape yg ada dlm hati ak ni..
terlewat sedar bahawa selama ni ak sayang dia lebih dr sekadar seorang kawan..
terlewat sedar bahawa aku selalu lebih kn dia dr kwn3 yg lain; even dgn boyfriend sndri pn
terlewat mngaku wlaupun org sekeliling semua mengatakn aku sayang dia lebih dr kawan baik..
terlewat sgt ke aku ni?
terlewat utk segala3nya????
Aku sebenarnya sedar yg dia tu on top of the list tp aku selalu menolak alasan ‘like;love’ tu dr reasons dia 1st on the list..
being with him buat aku lupa pada kesedihan akibat gaduh dgn boyfriend sndri..
being with him make me happy and crazy coz hati ni bertukar-tukar perasaan dr warm feelings to anger to jaelousy to fondness to everything and round and round..
being with him make me feel precious..
he make me forget the world and hanya dia yg boleh tenang kn hati yg tunggang langgang dan kacau pd masa tu hanya dgn kata3 yg sempoi je..
hanya dia yg boleh buat ak marah tersangat3 pd dia utk benda3 kecik je dan risau yg teramat wlpn dia cuma tak breakfast pg tu sblm g klas..
he push me and make me feel '” I have to be better and be better than his friends” *I never realise dat i ‘m like dat bfore this* I hve never feel so possessive to anyone else but him.. ntah knapa hny dia..
this jaelousy of mine always being set aside as '”dia kwn baik aku of coz aku nk yg terbaik utk dia” etc
all these ramblings for what?? we already comfortable being the best of friends so the idea of being together already far behind, at least for him I think.. so far aku selesa cmni, its not dat I’m contented but aku lebih rela have him as bestfriend dr hilang dia sbg kawan hnya kerana feeling yg tak di balas ni.. I never know what he thought of me,, only as friend or hve he ever thought of me as more than just a friend.. just him being himself n accepting me and being friend with me thru these years are far more precious and im grateful for it.. im not gonna be stupid and jeopardize it for contentment of this heart.. even tho dia tgh bit unhappy coz the love of his life is moving on without him, I know I can’t do anytg to ease it,, I can only wish the happiness for him and keep doing my best as a bestfriend should be and supporting him all the way.. sebenarnya aku ni agak tak guna la, coz since dia work, ak da mkin tak reti nk ckp gn dia, tak tau nk bbual dgn dia.. I rasa sbb kitorg da tak spend time together n there’s no way for me to know psal keje n life dia unless dia citer which is kinda hard@impossible as dia lebih suka simpan sendri dr bercrita dg aku (tak tau la klau dia cter gn org lain)
da lama sbnarnya aku sedar ‘kelewatan’ aku ni so ape yg buat ak nk bercrita pnjg3 pg3 buta time org lain tgh sedap3 tido ni? chat.. chat archive. search bnda lain jmpa bnda lain,, ni la yg jd gini.. baca blik satu convo tu tanpa sedar ak menangis.. I rily3 miss him.. miss him so so much.. reading how smooth our talks goes back at dat time make me wonder, knapa aku tak sedar awal3 lg yg we are so compatible together,, why didn’t I realise dat I love him so much.. I used to call him ‘syg’ n now I rily3 wish I can call him ‘my syg’.. mine only mine.. the chance of calling him ‘syg’ now would be close to impossible as the awkwardness grows n wat to do, he already hve someone new.. damn, this song *Someone New by Eric Saade* plays time3 tgh tak jmpa perkataan sesuai,, grrr..perli ke pe?! so all I can do for now, is to make sure we gonna be friend forever, coz I dun think I can survive knowing he no longer my friend.. T__T
klau dak3 tu tau aku luah bnda3 ni cmni, confirm ak kna tibai kaw3 pnya sbb degil tak trima ape dorg ckp dlu..ahaha wat to do, he already hve a gf back then n he love her so damn much.. aku ni kawan dia kot.. for sure aku tak terpikir or sedar yg ak syg dia lbh dr kawan.. ape daa~~
ok, dah! stop3,, da nk kul 3.. blah3.. karang jd panda plak sok g klas.. awal3 thun da bgkak3 mata duh!!
daa~~ *hehe slalu ckp ‘daa~’ kat dia instead of ‘bye’*
# is it because of him I can go thru my break-up with F without so much pain and much lesser time?
